Diana Richardson’s two books The Heart of Tantric Sex and Tantric Orgasm for Women are must-haves for anyone wanting to learn how to deeply connect more energetically during love-making.

Trudy Johnston caught up with this world-renowned teacher of Tantra from her Swiss home to find out what happens when the focus in sex is shifted away from mind-oriented stimulation to energetic connection in the body.

South African-born Diana Richardson found her true calling when she moved away from her first career choice of law to holistic body therapies and Tantra, adapting age-old Eastern practices for present-day lovers.

A disciple of Osho since 1979, Diana’s work has been strongly informed by Osho’s teachings, particularly focusing on the union of sex and meditation.

Devoting her life’s work to sex education for adults through writing and workshops (she has published seven books on sexuality), Richardson is passionate about assisting people to rediscover their own ecstasy and presence by transforming their sexual experiences into more sensual and loving ones.

Diana Richardson has much to offer on the subject of deeply fulfilling sex that nourishes and rejuvenates love. In the following interview she shares her wisdom on how the process of getting back into the body is the entry point or gateway for more connected sexual relating and deeper love.

TJ: The mind wants to be in control, so how can we start to have a grasp of bodily experience and energetic resonance when looking for a different approach to sex?

DR: It’s about bridging the gap between bodily experience and trying to entice the mind to perhaps check out what the body wants. In my groups that’s often what we are doing, changing people’s minds about sex, so that they give their bodies space. We do this by basically taking out ‘the doing’ and the constant ‘must achieve orgasm’ mindset.

I would say to a person who is trying to change their way of thinking to start to fall back into their own body with awareness. Shift from thinking into feeling the body and starting to connect with it on a more cellular level as a source of pleasure and delight, but not in an excitation way, just through the subtle vibrations present in the body.

TJ: Our bodies are obviously male and female, how do these energies differ in the one body?

DR: The essence of male is dynamic and present and contrary to popular belief, ‘dynamic’ is not activity and ‘doing’. Rather, it’s being present to allow the dynamic force to flow through the body. The feminine essence is receptivity. How can you truly receive unless it is through the body?

TJ: How can women start to re-connect with their feminine side?

DR: What is really helpful for women is to feel into their bodies by meditating or focusing on their breath. This is the source of the awakening of vitality in the female body. Our sexual awakening happens through the breath, so as a woman gets to know this process she will experience quite a shift to the heart centre from the feeling centre, and to her inner world, her inner body, and her more feminine qualities.

TJ: How is this movement of energy realised in both men and women?

DR: The way nature designed us is that man holds the positive force in his penis and the woman has the receptive force in her vagina. So when each person is present to themselves, these forces awaken as they each melt into their bodies. This can be experienced in an embrace, not only in sexual intercourse. If two people fully relax into themselves, they will feel a different sort of vitality that naturally occurs between their bodies.

So basically all people should pay more attention to their bodies and I think this is the missing link. We have an education system, conditioning and culture that does not encourage us to be in our bodies. We live in a very mind and goal-oriented culture.

We have lost the ability to listen inwardly to the body. The inner body is a resource, a source of joy, pleasure, delight, bliss, ecstasy and love. You can totally change your inner reality just through having more attention in the body.

So what is needed is a shift in how we perceive the body. It really requires a step back from stimulation and excitement – and that applies to kissing, hugging and sexual intercourse.

It’s just about dropping back from trying to do anything, just being with the inner world, holding yourself present to your sensations in the body and then instantly, there is another quality between two people. So the bridge is very tiny, it just needs people to make the shift.

TJ: You were talking about the journey for women, and how they can start to access their energy by getting back into the body and connecting naturally with their energy. Can you elaborate further?

DR: Yes. It requires women to cease being only interested in sexual stimulation, because stimulation is generally around the clitoris which actually disturbs the vagina and affects her receptive absorbing qualities. Most women would be aware that when the clitoris is stimulated it causes excitement in the vagina and this affects the quality of the experience of penetration.

In this whole sexual exploration we need to make a shift from sensation to sensitivity. From sensation on the outside, looking for something outside to do the job, to sensitivity, which requires taking our attention into the body and allowing the senses to work for us.

Being able to totally relax while making love awakens the natural male dynamic force and the natural female receptive force, and gives the genitals space to relate to each other.

TJ: Can you talk about the role of the breath?

DR: Breath is a major key. Breath can take you from here to heaven. Just breathe slowly and deeply, breathe in through your diaphragm and wherever your breath meets a natural boundary that’s where you breathe to. Don’t try and pull it through to the belly or the genitals. Slowly over time this boundary, through you meeting it gently and with awareness, will eventually join up with the genitals.

I suggest to women that they relax the vagina and men to relax the pelvic floor. Most of us hold these places quite tightly so we are basically a bit contracted. That is why both man and woman need to relax equally, it’s not just about the woman relaxing and the man getting active.

The man needs to also move away from doing, from orgasm as a goal, and to relax into being and experiencing his body and his penis from the inside.

This is difficult for men because in conventional sex, the way a man uses his penis is pretty rough and this has made him insensitive. This also applies to women. Because of the insistent approach to go and go until both people reach orgasm, eventually both man and woman need more and more stimulation and become less and less sensitive.

TJ: What would you say about a man ‘really dropping into his penis’?

DR: When we put it like this, dropping into the penis is a journey. As Barry Long (author of Making Love) suggests with his words, ‘the man must become his penis’, it means taking attention down, transforming it and trusting the penis, staying present and not going for it.

Both men and women need to re-condition themselves away from this habit of just going for the orgasm which is a format that is very deeply imbedded in our psyches. In general, this is more challenging for a man because he usually plays a more active role in the sexual act through his physical function, and there is a lot of focus for him around performance. But to be honest, many men are so grateful to hear that they can finally stop performing and the big act around it, so in general men are receiving this different approach in a good way.

When a man feels receptivity in a woman that allows his energy to flow, he feels himself more as a man. He is somehow handing the intelligence back to his body and this gives him more a feeling of what it is to be a man, because for him this has been what is really confusing. What is a man today?

What is a woman today? From my perspective we are living a distortion, women are distorted, and man is distorted.

TJ: Can you elaborate?

DR: Well, how we have sex has distorted us. The conventional way has disturbed our basic nature and left us with tension, aggression and a lack of sensitivity. In actuality, how we do conventional sex, the orgasm-driven, tension-driven way, is very male and it hardens the male and it makes him overly male. It also hardens the woman and makes her quasi-male.

So this problem we have come to now with humanity is that we are all basically male. For any return to an inner balance, or a balance between man and woman, or the balance within each individual is essentially a feminine step.

Man has to become more feminine, which means to listen to his inner world and woman also.

Funnily enough, to find the balance again we both have to become more feminine. Now feminine is not gender-selective, feminine is an intrinsic quality and man and woman have both poles in themselves.

On the ultimate level, what can happen within one, as an individual human being beyond being man or woman, is to balance these two poles within ourselves. Woman has the dynamic active pole in the breath and the receptive pole in the vagina. Man has the dynamic pole in the genitals and the receptive pole in the chest.

What we need to do as human beings is to find this inner balance. We become equally balanced on a male level and female level as individuals when we start to have sex according to nature, as we were designed. This inner balancing happens by itself. All we have to change is the way we make love and everything will grow out of this as a consequence.

Ultimately we can say that the Tantric information is oriented on each individual having inner sex, the highest form of sex, to find that source of constant inner delight or magnetic flow or bio electric vitality. There are many aspects to that, so for man ‘to become his penis’, there’s a back flow to his heart. As he naturally becomes a loving man, he can transform into a true male that is present, loving, generous, authoritative, but very clear, and not aggressive.

TJ: What is sexual attraction?

DR: Well personally I think its all hype. It’s a lot to do with what fulfils our eyes, what stimulates our imagination, and what fulfils our projections. I do believe that this whole idea of sexual libido is a complete misconception. Libido, as I understand it, is a result of sexual tension and repressed emotion. It’s nothing to do with purity of the human sexual flow or expression. We live in a world where people do not express their feelings. They have a lot of fear, doubt and mistrust and this builds up in the sex centre so the urge for sex and orgasm is to actually discharge these feelings. It has nothing to do with our innate nature.

When man and woman are in the natural flow with receptivity and presence, there is a communion through the inner worlds that is drawn forth. When two people are together, resting in their inner worlds, they open up a magnetic field between them, which is like a cellular communion, a cellular attraction. This does not occur from the mind. It is experienced through the body.

As man and woman learn to relax more in sex, they will find their attraction increases in subtle ways. When people are present in their bodies it’s much easier to share on a physical level, much more easy to just be there in sweetness and silence, because your attention is in yourself. Through relaxing in yourself, in the company of somebody else, there is a magnetic energy field created.

For more information about Diana Richardson’s books and workshops, visit www.love4couples.com, but be warned – the wait list for the couples workshop in Switzerland is over a year long. If that’s a bit far from home and too long to wait, grab both her books and your beloved, turn the phones off, light the candles and enjoy a deeper journey into open-hearted lovemaking and ecstatic bliss.

This article was originally published in The Art of Healing in 2009

Related Tags: Women Self Respect | The Butterfly Temple

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About The Author

Trudy Johnston

Trudy Johnston is a grandma, life-long student of transformation, passionate writer, media whiz, story teller, tango dancer, yogini and chocolate addict.

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